9 Things That Kept Me (Relatively) Sane and Happy in 2017

Hello my friends, and welcome to the end of a year that was was the living, breathing embodiment of that dumpster fire gif. 

It's over! For now! The bad thing? 2018 is probably gonna be worse. But let's enjoy the next 24 hours of hope, optimism, fresh starts, champagne hangovers that make you question everything you're doing with your life, and try not to worry.

 

The weird thing for me is that personally I had a pretty great 2017. I would say that most of this has to do with the fact that I am a well-off, college-educated white woman living in a liberal city who has access to all sorts of support systems and who lacks for nothing. (Please to remember to check your privilege now and forever.) But a few other things made me really happy in 2017, and in the name of total escapism and lols, I'm going to write about them. Maybe one or two of them would help you in 2018. I truly wish you a kind, compassionate, empathetic, love-filled 2018, and that you get everything you want and need, even (and especially) the things you don't know you want or need yet. 

 

9 Things that Kept Me Happy in 2017

 

1. Meditation

If I were Donald Trump, except smart, and not cognitively in decline, and actually able to execute my will on the populace and become a baby man king, the first law I would pass to make my adoring subjects do on the reg is daily meditation. Meditation has saved me in so many ways over the years, but 2017 is the first real year I really, really stuck to an almost-daily meditation practice - and the first year that I honestly realized I'm a miserable shit when I don't do it regularly. It regulates my mood. It helps me focus and see what's important. I am genuinely more happy when I do it. 

 

I always think of meditation like a daily sweeping of the brain. It clears away the crud, keeps you tidy, prevents you from sliding into total hoarder status (emotionally and mentally) and helps you see what's really important.

 

Don't overthink it. This is how I do my meditation: I berate my coworkers daily, lock them in a dark conference room, spray them with lavender oil, and force them to meditate with me. Okay, not really. But I do lead a small group of regular meditation at work. I just use whatever empty conference room is free, set a timer for 15 minutes, play a track of ocean sounds or white noise, and we GO. TO. TOWN. (Aka count our breathes slowly and silently over and over from 1-10.) On days I can't incorporate meditation into the workplace (and guess what? Wellness and meditation is so trendy these days your boss will probably praise you for starting a program like this) at home I set a timer for 20-30 minutes (usually before bed), light this incense, and count my breaths 1-10 over and over again. You don't need fancy apps. You don't need a mantra. You don't need to pay anybody anything. Just breathe and reap the rewards. 

 

2. Therapy

Been going to therapy for eight years now and ain't ever gonna stop. Much like my meditation/sweep analogy above, I believe like going to therapy is like going to the gym BUT FOR THE MIND. And my mind is really creepy strong now, guys. My (amazing) therapist helps me see patterns, connect dots between things that are bothering me and those patterns, take emotional risks, trust, be resilient, and better know myself. Unlike meditation, however, therapy is hella expensive and many providers don't take insurance. The way I'm able to afford it is my therapist does a sliding scale so I don't pay the full rate each session. If America weren't garbage, therapy would be covered by all insurance. Maybe in 2118, y'all. 

 

I also have what I think of as 'secondary therapists' - mostly media figures whose advice and perspectives I read and listen to religiously. They're Carolyn Hax; the Sugars; and Esther Perel, especially her new relationship/couples counseling podcast. None of this stuff makes for easy reading or listening, but it gives you deep understanding of what drives humans, how they connect to each other, and the power of empathy. 

 

3. Embracing My Woo

I got a chart reading and a tarot card reading in the same weekend this year, and also I bought some crystals because they are supposed to do some good stuff. Haters to the left. Both the readings told me there are big career changes afoot in 2018 and that I will have some "fun, flirty energy" early in the year.

Me flirting:

 

But in all honestly, I love a good turn towards the spiritual. I don't see tarots and horoscopes so much as predicting the future (actually, not at all) but as tools that help you ask questions of yourself that will lead to answers you probably already know at some level but needed aid articulating. Also, the world is a trash fire, let me have this. 

 

4. Travel, or What 24 Hours on a Plane Taught Me About Myself

I went to Puerto Rico, the family homeland in Wyoming (twice! And one time to see the eclipse, it was messed up), Boston, NYC, Charlottesville and South Africa this year. To get to South Africa, I had to spend 24 hours on a plane... both ways. You really dig deep into your soul when you're stuck in a flying metal canister that causes panic attacks in your brain for the equivalent of a whole day. What I learned, as a nervous flier? Ambien is your friend. Also, I can now literally do anything. If I can power through 24 hours on a plane, twice, I can now pop over to Europe for a weekend like it's no big deal, because 7 hours on a plane is literally nothing. I can climb Kilimanjaro. I CAN FLY!!! (Also hot tip, wearing compression socks is a good idea. I have a whole long-haul flight routine now, ask me about it.)

 

5. All the (Natural) Drugs

I get Seasonal Affective Disorder bad, and this year I figured out a steady drip of supplements that keeps it at bay. Insane, probably non-advised amounts of liquid vitamin D drops (I'm talking like 10-15,000iu); vitamin b12; evening primrose oil; fish oil; and zinc when I'm starting to feel sick. Oh also some non-natural drugs: I've been on Pristiq for years for anxiety and depression and it's been great for me. (Meditation also helps keep the SAD at bay.)

 

6. Obsessive Dives into Beauty and Skincare 

2017 is the year I Got Into Skincare In Kind of a Scary Way. Like, I think I accidentally got a degree in dermatology and my esthetician's license (or I should have from all the time I spent on the internet reading about skincare and makeup). I wrote about the politics of female beauty in this piece, but I really think what it came down to is 1. I wanted to feel pretty because it was fun in a garbage world 2. Owning what was originally something that catered to the patriarchy felt powerful 3. It was just fucking fun.  

 

The best parts were the Fat Mascara podcast, which is a fun, silly and informative joy; the Skincare Addiction subreddit on Reddit (yes, learning about skincare is what finally helped me understand how Reddit worked), and IntoTheGloss.com. I learned the most from these places, everything from what a serum actually does to how to properly apply fake eyelashes.

 

I now think of makeup and skincare as the original biohacking/lifehacking, something I think that has been owned by white men as Very Serious Work (while they simultaneously looked down on makeup and beauty but also required women to do it). You think you got a claim on this shit because you want to ingest young people's blood as a method of staying young, Peter Thiel? Nah. I'm ahead of you. Just look at my medicine cabinet as proof. 

 

And if you think skincare and makeup are shallow... 

 

7. Cooking

Cookbook Club continued to be a true joy in my life, and this year we decided to only cook from cookbooks by women of color which feels like a small middle finger to the patriarchy. I don't have to ramble on about the therapeutic and community building powers of cooking for yourself and others. Throw your closest friends a dinner party for no reason at all, and enjoy.

 

8. A Shifted Perspective on Romantic Relationships

For so much of your life, you're told (in ways visible and in ways very much not) the primary goal of existing is to find a romantic partner with whom to build a life. This is an enormous pressure, and if you don't find it, you feel like a failure. This year (and the last, really) was the year I stopped feeling like a failure for not having a lifelong romantic partner, and started to look more at dating like a fun add-on to life. My primary relationships are with: myself; my family; my friends; my community; my work; my couch. Those relationships deserve my daily energy and effort and I truly give them my all. Then I date when I feel like it. So when dating happens, I no longer think of it as a means to an end; I think of it like (I'm sorry, this is literally the worst analogy of all time, but oh well) spice added to a meal, or the proverbial icing on a cake. I date plenty, and every date and relationship and encounter I try to have fun and learn something about myself and the way I interact with people, instead of thinking on the very first date "IS THIS THE PERSON WHO WILL BURY ME???" 

 

And honestly, in a traumatic year globally and politically, the last thing anybody needs is extra pressure and stress and to spend time on things that aren't fun. 

 

9. Friend Slack

I wrote about Friend Slack more here (woah, over two years ago!), but there's truly nothing like a virtual community of friends that will listen to your stories about work, dating, and your drunken opinions on a horrible movie that you are watching by yourself. Thanks, pocket friends. Sorry I typed so much about "Home Again."

 

HONORABLE MENTIONS, aka a Tribute to Consumerism and Capitalism:

Here are things that I bought in 2017 that I liked:

• Madewell jeans: if your torso is 4 feet long, like mine, the high-waisted denim at Madewell is worth the money. So flattering.
• In the same vein, JoyLab high-rise leggings from Target are the only high-rise workout/yoga leggings that I'm not constantly hiking up while working out or sun saluting. And they're pretty cheap! 
• My Beauty Diary Birds Nest Face Masks. All the glowy moisture for cheap!
• These heated lavender eye masks. Heaven.
• Actually decorating your apartment for Christmas. I'd never done it, but it was so cute and cozy. I bought this fake lighted tree and loved it.
• Linked to it above, but am obsessed with this sage campfire incense. Yes, my apartment smells like a yoga studio, but worth it.
• A jade face scraper. Depuffs and massages and stuff. Also just feels good.
• These running socks. Expensive but comfy and the only socks that don't slide right off my feet while running.
• Probiotics! Whatever brand... I use CVS's Radiance brand. They weirdly cleared up my skin and keep me non-bloated. Love to be non-bloated.
• Banila clean it zero balm. Double cleansing with this first and then a foaming cleanser has made my breakouts almost non-existent. 
• But when I inevitably do get a zit, these little overnight patches dry them right up. 
• Packing cubes! The hype is real. These made my two-week trip to South Africa a dream.
• CorePower Yoga. God, these boutique yoga classes are so expensive, but they combine my need for yoga woo and flexibility with athleticism and extreme strength. Very addictive and transforming to my body. 
• These clogs, which I spent a good six months of the year wearing. 
• When I'm not wearing those clogs, I'm wearing these booties.
• This is gross, but how do people live without cleaning their tongue? I don't know. That's why I have this tongue scraper.
• All the books by Tana French. I don't typically throw down for thrillers, but she's a master, and it's always about so much more than the murder/crime at hand - they're deep studies of human nature. 
• Backpacks. I gave up this year on beautiful leather shoulder totes because aging. Just give in. This is the one I use and it's held up all year and holds my laptop, gym clothes, etc, more.
• My phone does not come into my bedroom, so I use this little analog clock to wake me up.

Media I consumed:

Podcasts: Nothing groundbreaking here, but nevertheless: Where Shall We Begin by Esther Perel; Reply All; Fat Mascara; The Daily from the New York Times; Heavyweight from Gimlet Media; Why Oh Why (from Slate, about dating); Call Your Girlfriend; Pod Save America; StartUp.
Books: We're Going to Need More Wine: Stories by Gabrielle Union; The Queen of The Tearling series though it got real dumb by the last book; Homegoing; The Underground Railroad; The Goldfinch (divisive book but I looooved it); Startup by Doree Shafrir; I literally read all of Tana French's Dublin Murder Squad books.
TV: I don't watch much TV, not because I'm above it, because I'm lazy, but I enjoyed the Marvelous Mrs Maisel, Mindhunters, Shameless and I FINALLY GOT INTO GAME OF THRONES because I felt like I was missing out on learning a second language that everybody around me spoke. It's pretty good I guess.

What things, small or big, made you happy and sane-ish in 2017? I'd love to hear. I hope you were kind to yourselves and others this year, and you have all you need to keep on keeping on in 2018. Stay strong out there. 

Comments

[Rebecca]

I love your list of things - I just added the eye masks (love lavender) and booties to my Amazon cart to buy with the fermentation crock that I decided I needed to make homemade sauerkraut. Personally my 2017 was pretty great as well - I ran more, ate better, stressed less and moved from a 2 bedroom/1 bath old apartment with a tiny kitchen to a 3 bedroom 2.5 bath brand new townhouse - I have 2 kids so one bathroom was really problematic (still renting because home prices in Seattle are insane and a mortgage stresses me out). For SAD - massive amounts of Vitamin D, my multivitamin (NOW - Special Two), probiotics (sometimes I take a woman specific one but lately i've been taking the Garden of Life - Mood+) I got a combination steam mop/vacuum for Christmas from my parents which is awesome for all of the hard floors in my new place (Bissell Symphony). The fact that the ACA was not repealed/replaced made me very happy as the replacements would have made my job even more complicated than it is (healthcare actuary working on the ACA). My company was acquired by Kaiser Permanente and we moved offices (unrelated) - but at my new office building there are workout rooms and free fitness classes and starting this month there is discounted personal training as well. Health policy twitter also helped keep me sane this year. I completely agree about dating - I'm pretty sure I'm not looking for any cohabiting life partner right now - I've been dating the same person basically all year and it's been a little rocky at times but it's so much easier knowing that my life is fine without it. I'm totally going to try the meditation thing at work - Kaiser is big on the touchy feely stuff.

[Amanda]

I can relate to a lot of your list, but this in particular was really great to read: "So when dating happens, I no longer think of it as a means to an end; I think of it like (I'm sorry, this is literally the worst analogy of all time, but oh well) spice added to a meal, or the proverbial icing on a cake." So smart! Meditation also kept me sane this past year. I'd been meditating intermittently for a few years, but I had a huge life change in early 2017 that made me double down on cheap ways to stay sane, and more consistent meditation was really helpful. I also tried to keep sane with regular and consistent exercise (long daily walks, running outside, Yoga with Adriene, and FitnessBlender). Exercise for me isn't exactly joy-producing, though, so here are some pretty simple things that made me happy in 2017: making stuff from cookbooks I checked out from the library, sewing my own clothes, journaling (the infamous morning pages and random scribblings in multiple notebooks I've collected over the years but never used), and watching American Vandal and Shetland on Netflix.