warning. this post is about disgusting bugs. and thus involves me freaking out a lot.
so. to start off this story, you must know that i have a fake drain in the entranceway to my basement unit apartment. i say fake drain because it's sort of a drain, in that there's a pipe going underground, but the pipe opening is surrounded by a 3-inch deep donut that does nothing except sit there and collect rainwater. it's kind of annoying, and it breeds mosquitoes pretty effectively, but other than that, it hasn't really been a problem.
until a few weeks ago. i started noticed these...things. floating. in the sludgy collected rainwater. milky white, fleshy...things. gross things. foul things. grubs.
yup. one morning, on my way out to work, i noticed two or three of them just floating there. i didn't have time to do much else then shriek internally and race past them, and when i came home, it was dark, and i didn't think about them.
but the next morning, there were five.
then the next morning, eight.
and so on. until the entire thing was filled with drowned grubs, and i commenced crying hysterically every time i left the apartment.
so i did what any sensible girl did: i called my mom. she and my dad were coming over that weekend anyways, and like any mom worth her salt, she took care of the grub problem. she removed them, poured bleached all over the area, and said that should be that. then i thanked my lucky stars that i have the best parents ever who are amazingly not ashamed of their ridiculous daughter.
one grub-free week later, i noticed that another grub had popped up. the next morning? three more. and the next day? that's right, EVEN MORE GRUBS. by sunday morning, i couldn't take it. i knew that i had to man up and take action.
i'd been assuming this whole time that what was happening was that some awful beetles, or whatever the hell grubs end up being, were misguidedly laying their eggs in the sludge of the drain, and grubs were being born there, right into the water, and immediately drowning. so the combat plan yesterday was the same as my mom's: get the grubs out, cover the area with bleach, and hope all the little fuckers would die.
i gathered my weapons: a pair of latex gloves from the cafe. a paper coffee cup in which to deposit grubs. and, um, my ice cream scoop. (as somebody i was telling this story to yesterday said: "so, upshot of this story is basically, never have ice cream at catherine's.") also, i put on a pot of boiling water in which to dump the ice cream scoop, and i dug out the bleach.
the next few minutes are a blur. i'm pretty sure i spent them with eyes closed, screaming, as i scooped out each of the dozens of freshly-drowned grubs, along with, GROSS ALERT, the rotting bodies of the old grubs. then i proceeded to run to the corner trash can, toss in the cup, boil the crap out of the ice cream scoop, bleach the area, and shower for eternity.
finally. it was done. i had faced the grubs, and i had defeated them. my drain area was bleachy-smelling and grub free. i was invincible.
until this morning.
i walked out as i do every morning circa 7:30 am to water my plants, a peaceful morning routine in which i take great solace. except this morning. because, undulating and oozing its way right in front of me, was a grub.
but not just any grub. a grub with a death wish. i have never seen a grub move so quickly, with such determination in its...er...face? it was a grub on a mission. a mission to head directly towards the water-filled drain area and totally drown itself.
i watched in horror as i realized that not only was this grub hellbent on getting to the water, that there were now EIGHT NEW GRUBS that had materialized overnight in the drain area.
as i watched this pathetic grub literally toss itself off the edge into the water and flail around, i realized that there was no way these grubs were possibly being born in the sludgy water. they were being hatched (or whatever it is they do to come to their disgusting, foul lives) elsewhere, and as soon as they were big enough to worm their way along the concrete, they were heading straight to drown themselves in the standing drain water. it was like an elephant graveyard. except instead of elephants, it's grubs. and instead of dying at the end of their natural lives, they're kind of (probably unknowingly) committing suicide.
so, my question to my informed readers: WHAT IN GOD'S HOLY NAME IS GOING ON? why is my drain a grub magnet? why won't they go away? how can i make them go away? why do they want to kill themselves? i don't have soil in my entranceway except in my potted plants (which seem to be grub free) so where are they being born? are they infiltrating the brick? ARE THEY GOING TO COME INSIDE? if i keep a cup of beer in my entranceway, would they drown themselves in that? CAN YOU HELP ME I WILL GIVE YOU TWO BILLION DOLLARS OR AT LEAST ONE BEER.