lord almighty.

ignore any trolls here. your efforts are much better put forth towards the jackfaces over here. let me excerpt some choice comments...

"That chick needs to chill out."

"Unless this is happening all the time to you, I don't really see how anyone can get that worked up about it, or how getting up worked about it a healthy in most or even safe reaction in some cases."

"a nice chuckle is all that is needed if you really think the harassment is about power (and not just appreciation)."

lovely. you know what the pervasive problem is there as far as i can tell, and as far as i have always been able to tell? most men, even the good ones, who are close to us, and respect us, do not really believe us when we say we get harassed, and if they do believe us when we say we get harassed, they do not believe 1) the unsafe and degraded and humiliated way it makes us feel and 2) the frequency at which it happens. susan gets it right when she says, "the number of commenters that instantly man the barricades for the street harassers and vilify the women who are subject to it is utterly depressing," and dsquared gets it right when he says that though maybe street harassment is caused by a small number of men, it is "made excuses for by a somewhat larger minority of men."

what more can i say, really? i mean i've blogged about this crap hundreds of times. this happens all the time. it happens every day. it's a good day when i don't get catcalled or verbally abused on the street. most of the time, i don't feel perfectly safe when i walk on the street, even in the daylight. i tense up when i walk past groups of men. it dictates the paths i take; it dictates the times i go out. it enrages me. it depresses me.

but what enrages me even more is the blase attitude most "good" men take towards it, or, even worse, the fact that they seem willing, eager really, to say, "it can't be that bad," or "it can't happen that much." well, guess what. it can, and it does, and i will cockpunch you if you continue to say that.

read belle for a more eloquent and coherent response.

UPDATE: i forgot to add, that there are actually two pervasive responses from dipshit men. 1. it's not that bad, you're overreacting, deal with it.  2. as ned says, "claiming that it's a good thing and women should be glad to be appreciated instead of being whining sensitive flowers who are only reaping what feminism has sowed." yes, we should be so lucky to receive such sensitive and charming and ego-boosting compliments like "nice titties," "suck my dick," "i've got a big one for you," "look at that ass," and so forth, just to name a few that have been thrown my way. there must be a lexicon. they're never that original. but yeah, wow, those make me feel lucky i'm not some saggy old lady unable to be appreciated by the general male population. lucky indeed.

Comments

[Jake]

This amazes me. I mean, it's the same impulse driving the stupid asshole commenters that drives street harassers. And in the same way, it's hard for me to figure out what the best response is--ignoring it? Trying to yell back, louder? A matter-of-fact statement about how hurtful it is? I'm not really sure, except to say that I think spreading these posts as far as possible is probably the best way of at least cutting off the argument that the phenomenon isn't omnipresent.

[Peter]

Heinous as this behavior is, I'm not sure retelling it across the blogosphere will really do anything about the problem. If someone is so classless as to say harassing things to you on the street, what makes you think they know a smart blog when they see one? Alternative solutions: Call 911. Press charges. Or carry a can of mace and brandish it. Maybe even use it. I'm being serious, too. Passive-aggressive ranting won't do a thing for the problem. We can teach respect all we want in schools to tackle the problem long-term, but for the people who are harassing you now, I think you need to fight fire with fire.

[susan]

Catherine had a post a while back about how she told a recent harasser that she didn't like that and that he should stop. That's a non-passive aggressive response I've not tried, but I think I will next time. (Riding my bike everywhere has cut down on this significantly for me lately.)

That said, there's still value to posting this on the blog: as we've seen time and again, a lot of men are not aware how prevalent this problem is, and many that learn about it here and elsewhere will be more attuned to the problem and maybe even help add some of the social disapproval of this kind of behavior that we clearly need.

[susan]

I should also add, in defense of a lot of the men we know, that they tend to be very surprised at how often this happens but that by and large they do believe us and want to find ways to change the environment that makes this socially permissible.

[m. leblanc]

Wow, dude, I wrote my post addressing 1) why men don't get it and 2) humiliation, without even seeing this post. We are, like, so on the same wavelength, man.

[abcdefg]

Peter,
Calling Catherine's post "passive-aggressive" stikes me as ridiculous; that term refers to indirect and inappropriate expressions of anger. In this case, Catherine is not only expressing herself forthrightly -- the opposite of immature or distorted behavior -- but providing a service to women and girls she will never know who might tend to accept harassing behavior precisely because it is not spoken about in their social milieu, and they had not considered it a social issue about which their discomfort, let alone anger, might be worthy of respect, and feelings others share. Taking harassment seriously in conversation, online, and in every media environment is not at odds with, but of a piece with, helping its targets respond assertively on the spot in the way you espouse. Of course some will respond effectively without this discourse, but others will benefit from it.

[Steve McQueen]

Move to the country where the only things that can harass you are the cows.

[k]

glad you're writing about this. keep it up and know that there are a ton of people on your side, despite whatever douchebag response you hear from guys who just don't get it. check out http://dontbesilent3.blogspot.com/ for more info on DC street harassment (she hasn't posted in a bit but she'll be back, i'm sure).

ps, i'm the lady that wrote on harassment for the citypaper. my pieces got relegated to the web, if you only saw the print version.

[Sai Baba]

While "street harassment" is most certainly a bad, troubling thing, your approach is misguided. Blaming the actions of a group of morons on men and masculinity is foolhardy at best. It seems like you're saying that even if I (as a guy) don't harass women, I'm still somehow to blame because I should be lecturing the morons on how to act (as if they'd ever listen to me).

I work in an office located in close proximity to thousands of homeless people. I've been harassed going to work, getting lunch and leaving work by members of both sexes. Last week while dining alone, some crazy woman actually sat down at my table and started ranting at me. I'm normally unflappable, but she made me extremely nervous and uncomfortable. Eventually, I kindly asked her to leave and she did. Later on, she started following me around the food court. Note: I'm not blaming all women for the misguided actions of a group of idiots.

Any man who harasses a random woman on the street, etc., is just as likely to harass a man. Witness the guy who called me a "cracker piece of shit" for not giving him any change. Witness the guy who once kicked me in the back at a nightclub because he thought I was walking too slowly.

"Street harassment," or whatever you want to call it, is just a fact of life in big cities. It happens to everyone.

[Laura]

Sai Baba - you are mistaken. This is not the same as a random "crazy woman" who harassed you. This is a man coming up behind you and saying, just loudly enough for you (and no one else) to hear, what exactly he wants to do with your body. I can't be sure, but I am guessing the people who do that are far less likely to do it to a man, for a myriad of reasons. What you are referencing is not ok, but it's an entirely different issue.

[Sai Baba]

That may be so, but blaming all men for the actions of a bunch of morons is misguided. Besides, most women I've talked to shrug off these comments as part of life in a big city. It happens everywhere. Writing about out it on a blog isn't going to change anything. Blaming all men for it isn't going to change anything. If you want peace and quiet, move to a gated community in the suburbs.